A Love/Hate Relationship...

I have a LOVE/HATE relationship with chemotherapy... And right now I REALLY, REALLY hate it! This drug is going to get rid of a tumor that is damaging my baby girls sight and I am so grateful it is around...

... BUT damn it, as a mother, I hate what it is doing to my sweet baby. This weekend was by far the toughest weekend I have had as a mother. Rylie had a really rough weekend. She was pretty much miserable all weekend. A nasty side effect from chemotherapy is mouth sores and my pore girls mouth is just killing her. Between her port site still being really sore and tender and the mouth sores she was so sad all weekend. To have you baby begging you to take away her pain is the worst feeling in the world. How do you explain to a toddler that they have to be sick to get better? That the doctors have to make her hurt to make her better? They were questions I never thought I would have to answer and they are by far one of the hardest obstacles we are trying to over come. This is undoubtably the hardest thing i have ever had to experience in my entire life and i know we will make it through this year stronger and better people but it sure is tough... I hate that my baby's life is forever changing. She can no longer play with her friends without having her parents hovering over her like she is about to catch the next runny nose and there for an almost certain trip to the hospital. She can no longer eat and McDonald's like every kids loves to do. Everything is changing... it's a hard pill to swallow when all you want is for everything to be back to normal...